Oh dear, DIVA: leading magazine for queer women legitimises biphobia.
Many of my readers will be aware of my former dispute with DIVA magazine, the UK’s leading magazine for lesbian, bisexual and other queer women. Last time it was about their behaviour over internships, which got rather dramatic and resulted in being brought up in the House of Commons. This time, it’s about biphobia; the bigotry and ill treatment of bisexual and other non mono-sexual people.
In April’s edition of DIVA, an article was published entitled “Why do you have to be such a heart-breaker?”, focusing on relationships between lesbians and bisexuals. Although it was supposedly about biphobia, and presumably biphobia being a bad thing, everything about the article seemed to suggest that a fear of dating a bisexual woman was something perfectly natural. The line on the cover was “How to overcome your fears and date a bisexual,” which implied that such fears were natural, to be overcome, and further more made clear that DIVA magazine is perhaps not aimed at all queer women but just lesbians. The article’s headline, quoted above, immediately framed bi women in the role of fickle cheat, breaking the hearts of those steady, ill-done-by lesbians who date us. The sub-header was “Can lesbians and bi women ever find true love?”, to which the answer is so obviously “yes” I wonder the question even needs asking. The article itself was less objectionable, but what really frustrated me was the “Reader Experience” section. No bisexual-positive quotes from lesbian women were given; just anecdotes about bad experiences with bi women and bi women in turn talking about the bigotry they’ve experienced. As if the two were equal! I have seen the facebook discussion from which these quotes were taken: there were lesbian women who were not only happy to date bisexuals, but expressed disgust with the biphobia displayed by other lesbians. DIVA presented the case as if all lesbians encountered showed an unwillingess to date bisexuals.
I am not someone to keep my opinions to myself, as anyone who follows me on twitter will know. I wrote DIVA a letter, and it was duly published in this month’s (May) issue. I quote it in full below, together with the Editor’s (Jane Czyzselska) response.
I was really quite disappointed in your article on biphobia (April). Could you really not find a single lesbian who would date a bi woman or had had a positive experience with bisexuality? The readers’ experiences were divided into bi women who’d faced bad reactions from lesbians for being bi, and lesbians who talked shamelessly about their bigotry against women just because they liked men as well. I know there are lesbians out there who don’t behave like this. Furthermore, even the line on the front of the magazine – “How to overcome your fears and date a bisexual” – seemed to imply that such fears were totally natural and understandable for lesbians to face. They’re not.
Ed: The article aimed to acknowledge the painful experiences of both lesbians and bi women and looked at ways to move on within relationships. Neither lesbians nor bi women can claim to be more hurt, as the reader stories showed.
My instinctive response to the Editor’s reply was something along the lines of “what the hell isthis bullshit?”, but I’ll try to express myself with a tad more eloquence. I am stunned that DIVA magazine, usually excellent on matters of bigotry and discrimination (that is, combating the above, not perpetrating) would say something so blatantly flimsy in terms of reasoning and frankly offensive on a number of levels.
So, the “painful experiences of both lesbians and bi women”, hm? In an article about biphobia, a particular bigotry aimed at bisexuals? Why the hell should I, discriminated against for being bisexual, care about the painful experiences of a bigot? Imagine the statement reworded, in an article discussing racism:
The article aimed to acknowledge the painful experiences of both white people and black people….. Neither white people nor black people can claim to be more hurt….
Or, very relevant to DIVA magazine, imagine an article about homophobia:
The article aimed to acknowledge the painful experience of both straight people and gay people….Neither straight people nor gay people can claim to be more hurt…
What DIVA magazine fails to understand, while reaching out to understand the experiences of the poor bigots, is that yes, one side can claim to be more hurt. The side who is discriminated against by the other side. This is hardly a difficult line of reasoning to follow. What Jane Czyzselska seems to be saying, in her capacity as Editor of the leading magazine for queer women in the UK, is that the anecdotes from some lesbians about some bisexuals offers a justification for biphobia. This is wrong. If a newspaper contained “reader experiences” in which people told stories about being cheated out of money by Jews, that would not provide any kind of justification for anti-semitism, nor indeed show that “neither gentiles nor Jews can claim to be more hurt”, which is the equivalent claim Czyzselska is making concerning biphobia. Likewise, if there was a reader experiences section in which people had anecdotes about being mugged by black people, these would not show the immense hurt apparently faced by white people in the UK. What DIVA’s reader experiences showed is not that neither lesbians and bi women can claim to be more hurt, but that some lesbians had experiences which reinforced their perceptions and stereotypes of bisexual women, and bisexual women face the effects of discrimination from lesbians. These are not comparable. The painful experiences a few men might have had with women who broke their hearts does not compare with widespread misogyny and oppression of women. Some white people having bad experiences with black people is not comparable to societal and institutional racism. DIVA, however, seems to be saying that the experiences some lesbians have had with bi women is something to do, not with those individual women, but with bisexuals as a group. Effectively, what Jane Czyzselska is doing is legitimising biphobia, which is a shameful position for the Editor of DIVA to be taking.
I am here calling for a public apology from DIVA magazine: I urge my readers to email them, tweet them, whatever it takes. It is immensely hurtful to me that DIVA has taken this attitude, and believe it should actively condemn biphobia and biphobic behaviour from lesbians. Biphobia is not something which falls on the shoulders of bisexual women to tackle: we are not the ones who need to change. What we need is straight people and gay people to stop marginalising us and hurting us, and for leading voices within the queer community to stop encouraging it. Please, DIVA. Apologise.
ETA: I felt I should point out that I’m not saying the dynamic between lesbians and bi women is the same as that between white people or black people, or men and women – obviously the lesbian/bi woman dynamic lacks the same institutional power component. I was using those examples to illustrate the failings of reason made by the Editor.
great post. as a former newspaper editor and journalist i am kind of shocked that that’s all the response you got in regards to your letter to the editor. if i had been in the editor or writer’s position, i would have at least asked if we could have a phone conversation about these issues.
as a queer femme woman who is currently in a relationship with a man, i am constantly astounded by how much rampant biphobia there is in the mainstream media, from both gay and straight folks. how disappointing that this is how DIVA magazine chooses to portray bisexual women, not to mention their response to questions and criticisms about it. i’m going to read the article and let them know what i think. thanks for calling attention to this issue, it’s so important.
Excellent piece, and speaking as a bisexual woman, I’m very glad you’ve written it. It’s bad enough to get this kind of shit from close minded gay and straight people, without having such views reinforced by a national publication that claims to be for all queer women in the UK.
I’m appalled at the flimsy response that you received from Diva’s editor, but not surprised as it’s exactly the kind of thing that I’d expect from any person/institution that believes that it’s prejudice against a certain group is some how justified.
Please do let us know if you get any further response from them, as I’ll be interested to see what argument they attempt to patch together next.
Interesting post, and I’ll be following to see what Diva say.
I’m a lesbian and I’ve had great relationships with bisexuals. My own view is that lesbians who won’t date bisexuals are often insecure in their own sexuality, and if they had the “option” of heading for the blissful anonymity of perceived heterosexuality they’d take it.
Just one quibble though: whilst it’s definitely unpleasant for a lesbian to say “I wouldn’t date a bisexual,” I’m not sure you can call it discrimination. Refusing to employ or promote or associate with or recognise the sexuality of a bisexual person – that’s discrimination, preventing a person from accessing something they are entitled to because of their bi identity. Nobody is *entitled* to get into anybody else’s knickers, and refusing to date a bisexual person is small-mindedness not discrimination.
Hm, I see what you mean about the “discrimination” phrase, but I’m not sure. I’m by no means claiming an entitlement to lots of joyous sex with lesbians all over the place, but if lesbians refuse to date bisexuals BECAUSE they are bisexuals, I think that is worthy of the term discrimination?
No lesbian is required to date a bisexual. Because I choose to keep relations with other lesbians, I am somehow a bigot? Would you want to be required to date someone whose values did not match up with yours to avoid the term of “bigot”?
I disagree. When someone has made a decision in any way against someone because of their sexuality, whether it be employment, law or anything else, the very fact that this decision has been made on the basis of sexuality is discriminatory itself. The reason this may seem an unclear matter if you’re not bi is because it’s not a form of discrimination you’re likely to encounter directly unless you encounter a super-weird bisexual woman who only sleeps with bisexuals (and even then you’re in the position of strength in this power dynamic).
The two key factors here are the same as in any form of discrimination:
1) A person is being judged as having a specific set of behaviours and values and as being of a value purely because of a characteristic or set of characteristics which has no bearing on any of the qualities or attributes they actually have or possess.
2) This person is being treated atypically entirely due to the value judgement based on assumption derived factor (1).
From what I can see it’s the hoary old (and I’m seriously pained to see this in 2012, if unsurprised) cliché that bisexuals are only playing around at being ‘a bit gay’ and will ‘revert to type’ so you can’t ever trust us to stick around unless you’re of the opposite sex, better to stick around with someone who’s properly ‘on one side of the fence’. We’re basically untrustworthy sluts who’ll never be faithful either because we’re ‘just experimenting’ or we obviously ‘can’t make our minds up’ because, of course, you have to choose one or the other in the end.
I could go on all day but when it comes down to it, it’s a form of social exclusion based on a completely arbitrary pretext surrounding a factor which should not affect any rational minded person’s decisions surrounding another person one way or another. The end result is that if we’re open we leave ourselves open to being treated as untouchable, disposable (get shot of them before they do it to you) in such a fashion that our feelings are ignorable or exotic (I bet they’re so wild in bed, open to anything!). This is what Diva (so far as I can tell) is doing: it’s never the other person’s fault, we shouldn’t be trusted in the first place. The only thing they ever did wrong was letting us in to ruin their lives.
Thanks for writing the letter. I’m glad it was published, but I’m sorry they responded so badly to it : (
Rather than comparing it with other oppressions (which is always problematic, even with clarifications that you don’t think they’re equivalent), better evidence for why we can legitimately claim to be more hurt can be found in research on how monosexism is actually a structural oppression. For instance, the Bisexuality Report (UK) and the Bisexual Invisibility Report (US). Both of these explain how, on various results of inequality (e.g. poor physical and mental health, poverty, addiction) bisexual people fare worse than gay men and lesbians (and straights).
http://bisexualresearch.wordpress.com/2012/02/15/the-bisexuality-report-out-now/
http://radicalbi.wordpress.com/2011/09/19/snippet-4-the-bisexual-invisibility-report/
(Warning for links: as the second blogger linked says, “Fair warning: it might make your blood boil or otherwise invoke violent urges, like punching biphobia in the face and breaking down monosexism”)
I have just written to Diva via the contact form on their website:
It’s rubbish that DIVA did the topic in this way and v grateful that you have called them on this. I like your commentary that is so clearly explained and argued BUT
please, everyone, don’t use other identities to say ‘they wouldn’t get away with it with other identities so they shouldn’t get away with it with us’. I suspect you are not black or jewish and it feels yuk to see aspects of identity used in this way in the argument, without the grounding in personal experience that underpins your activism in this piece. Biphobia and racism and antisemitism are all nasty and enacted in a variety of ways where some are ‘more’ or ‘less’ for certain identities- might get shouted at in the street for being black, endure ridicule and scapegoating for being jewish, and get rejected in ‘my’ (non-heteronormative) community for being bi. It means nothing to line these up and compare and contrast when the issue is simply about perjorative othering across any axes.
The publication of the article and the response are wrong because they are wrong in themselves, not in relation to any other identity. If we’re arguing about unequal protections, then I guess we would say, for example, legislation about race and sexuality Hate Crime is more robust that that about disability hate crime. The issue with DIVA is not about race which is diminshed/trivialised when deployed in this way.
Rant over.
Yours in solidarity
Hello! You are absolutely right; I should not have used these comparisons. I was trying to make a point, but went absolutely the wrong way about it and I apologise.
Dear Simone Webb,
Wariness of bisexual females on the part of lesbians is completely justified because bisexuals by definition want both gay and hetrosexual relationships. In which case lesbians who have relationships with bisexual females are automatically vulnerable since they are in effect setting themselves up for double rejection – for their lesbianism and for being female. Drop the naive pluralism and all will be clear – life is unfair
Thank-you. How many “bisexual” women or even women who claimed they were lesbians found a better offer with a man and then broke up with the lesbian partner or told the lesbian partner that she was not sure if she was even a lesbian? It is so easy for “bisexual” women to want to “play gay” for awhile and then go back to men along with the world of privilege that is given to women in heterosexual relationships or marriages. Once they are back in that world where they are rewarded by heterosexual society, these women want nothing to do with the lesbian world and will make sure they are cut off from having been a part of the LBGT so to keep the coveted status in the straight world. I’ve seen it with “former lesbians” who are now lauded by the corporate wives in the straight world of how they had come a long way from their own (lesbian) life and now are doing so great in their new life with a man by their side. No lesbian is required to date a bisexual woman to be “fair.” Diva does not need to offer any apologies to any bi-women who feel offended. Articles re: lesbians choosing to show interest in a straight woman or not pursuing a straight woman are often in gay/lesbian magazines. This is no different. Like you stated, Adelphi, life is not fair.
From reading this, and your other comments, it is quite obvious that you have an issue with bisexuals. Or to put it another way, you are biphobic. Use of quote marks for bisexuality, the trotting out of tired tropes about bisexuals and the over-arching air of both superiority and “won’t somebody think of the poor lesbians” is basically like a giant neon sign that screams “This person feels that you are inadequate over something you cannot control”.
No, no one HAS to date anyone, however every reason you have given above is a myth. Whilst you may be able to find one or two people who are like that, you cannot demonise a whole group. Otherwise it could be taken from your rant above that bi women are not welcome in lesbian space (don’t worry, a lot of us figured that out a long time ago)
Not wanting bisexual women as lovers is no more biphobic than not wanting to date the straight girl. So, we are heterophobic is we are leery of straight women wanting a lesbian experience. It is not about control but the privilege which bi women often flaunt when they want to return to the het life with marriage, a house, and children. Being a side-piece is not what many lesbians are interested when it comes to bi women who will drop a female lover as soon as a man with money comes their way. Please do stay in bisexual space. Lesbians have had to fight for their own space without the presence of the straight world.
That is absolute rubbish! The definition of bisexuality is attraction to more than one gender. That’s it.
I refer to a lot of these bisexual women as “BUM’s”: Bi Until Marriage. Another woman in my area who loved to brag about sexual relations with women and being so bi just jumped the shark. She got married in a church in a white wedding dress. God, she is STILL squealing with glee over marrying her cop. No one in the gay community can even talk to her now since she wants to distance herself from us now that she feels she is no longer one of “those people” but has gained “acceptability.” Most of these bi women do it to themselves.
bi woman are greedy sluts
You may be joking, Sammy, but I read a post on another forum re: this issue where a married woman in the het world states how she demanded an open marriage. The rules for her husband are different than for her. She gets to enjoy women and stated how she was greedy while the husband needs to be devoted to her. The women are merely playthings for her to use at her disposal as she will not give up her privilege of being married to a moneyed man who will accept this arrangement to keep the woman as his wife. Most of these bi-women are greedy. It may not be sexual greed but the greed of wanting to play in the gay community while slamming the door on us when they go back to their own straight ivory towers.
That is how that ONE person conducts their relationship. You cannot apply it to an entire group of people and you should not make value judgements on other peoples relationships.
If that is not the case, why does it seem that most “bi” women will choose to enter into a het marriage rather than commit to a woman when it comes to a life partner. I have seen it time and time again. It would not be an issue if it was an isolated incident. Most bi women will not want to admit that they are attracted to women when in “mixed” company since it is all about attracting a man. Yet, they want their little thrills with women in secret behind a husband’s back or as a “shame fuck” while they are single. Another women I know says she will keep going with men because it is easier re: society but wants to be invited into lesbian space. I don’t think so. This woman is as bi as I am Chinese.
The last hasbien I knew made the comment to her long-time lover of how she may not be a lesbian any longer when a man with money wanted a relationship with her and would gift her well. That did not work so she went back and forth with women until she found her current male boyfriend. The people who used to look down on this woman now praises her of how far she has come in life meaning that she is no longer a “cunt licker” but part of reputable society since she chose to have a penis. It is deplorable how this women used lesbians with money until she found a man to support her. No, she did not use me, thank God, because I would have never entertained any sort of relations with her due to her behaviour and her two kids.
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Funny how bisexual women always claim to have ended up with the PERSON they love and not the gender, but for some reason the GENDER of the PERSON they love always tends to be MALE. Bisexuals are full of it.